Confessions of an Asshole

This secret has been bothering me for fucking years... so here it goes to the World...

Back in April/May of 2000, I was working as a Carnie (Amusement park worker) in Tulkarm, Palestine at this place called Merryland. It was a simple Amusement Park owned by this Dutch businessman on Arab owned land a joint operation with Western ride operators and Arab ticket collectors and food vendors; simple but a big deal as well there aren't many family retreats in Palestine just a little something to bring joy to a depressing place. There was some kind of co-operation bettween two parties involved, trying to stimulate economic development. I was just a traveling Canadian backpacker working for a couple of Months in the Holy Land. Now remember this is Pre-Intifatah days. Bill Clinton was in Power and he was trying to create a lasting Peace in Israel. Anyways one day, not just any day but some Arab Childrens Holiday. Now this being a amusement park, every family in Tulkarm was there, just let me say it was CHAOS and PANDIMONIUM!!! Put Arabs together for a childrens holiday watch out!!!
I was working this childrens ride with Disney characters holding small children as it goes round and round. Anyways I was the Ride Operator and I had a Arab ticket collector that day some 19 year old youth. Anyways there was a mad rush to the ride no organized line up like we get here in Canada but a free for all attitute. Anyways I had this Ticket collector hand me 11 tickets and I had about 30 kids on this ride. Now in retrospect I'm sure the ticket collector pocketed some tickets but i'm also sure he couldn't control that crowd even if he was twice the size. I was under strict instructions every child equals one ticket so I went trying to collect or something.
I was getting Mad and Frustrated when I did something I've regretted for years!! As I was walking around the ride on the Platform trying to get parents to get off (saftey reasons) There was this Palestinian girl about 11 maybe 12 on the Platform assisting one of her yonger siblings in a moment of Anger and Frustration I shoved this girl off the Platform!!! OH GOD!!! I remember the smile on her face right up to the moment I changed it to a sad pitifal frown. FUCK!! I'm not a ASSHOLE BUT IN THIS ONE MOMENT IN TIME I WAS THE BIGGEST!!! The rationalization of what I had done didn't bother me until later that day. The girls father was furious (He was justified in his Anger) Anyways The Fatah Police (Blue camoflauge dude) drags him away humilating him, all for my safety. AW SHIT!!! FUCK ME!!! I just ruined some Families day. To make matters worse his family was humilated at my expense. Dammit and I'm sure that girl grew up to hate and loathe Westerners all because I couldn't keep my cool. When ever I think about this event the guilt I feel his huge!!! How can I redeem myself ?? To this Stranger and her Family? I'm not positive on the day, and I doubt Fatah keeps a recorded account of the incident! (Maybe they do? I can only hope) I would like this girl and her father know how truly sorry I am. Sometime next year I'll go to Jordan go to Palestinian Office and make some enquiries with the Fatah there. I would like to allow that Father the chance to punch me in the face give him back his pride or something and I'd like to somehow help or bring a smile to that girl who is probably all grown up now. This propably only wishful thinking...but maybe...